Best of the Worst-2015

“Those were the days of Helen”

Mid sixty were the days of modest plenty. Those were the days when Indian Railways was not on the map of Jammu & Kashmir State. Those were the days when the nearest railway station for J&K State was at Pathankot in Punjab. Those were the days when there was no internet. Those were the days when there was no television. Those were the days when the Telegraph, Telephone and the Post Office were one department. Those were the days when the fastest mode of communication was telegram through Posts & Telegraph department. Those were the days when each word of telegram cost Rs.0.25. Those were the days when text of the telegram used to be too brief to bother for grammar and complete sentence. Punctuation marks were counted as words, hence never used. Those were the days when specific numeral numbers were coded for specific greeting or condolence messages. Those were the days when address of the addressee on telegram was too vague to be located. Those were the days when the Ambassador & the Fiat were the only makes of cars in India. Those were the days when Kupwara and Bandipore districts were part of Baramulla district. Those were the days when ration ghats were at the river ghats. Those were the days of Helen. Those were the days when any film with Helen on its cast was a box hit film. Those were the days when in mid sixties, the messenger from the telegraph department Baramulla was too excited with the word Helen to be normal. The telegram read: “Reaching on third arrange boarding lodging Helen”. The telegram was addressed to 969 Army Engineers Baramulla. The messenger in excitement disclosed the contents of the telegram to every Tom Dick and Harry. People with great fervour waited for third anxiously. Two days wait seemed to them a wait for two years. On third, Baramulla Bus Stand wore a festive look. Since morning people trickled in their festive dresses meant for festivals to have a glimpse of Helen from a safer position. Local police took note of the situation and positioned jawans in adequate number to ensure that there was no stampede. Mid day Panna Lal arrived in a local bus. Alighted from the bus, Panna Lal said to the Army staff car driver on wait: “Who is coming? For whom staff car is on wait? Why is local police here to control the restive crowd?” The staff car diver said: “Helen is coming. In this context 969 Army Engineers received a telegram from Simla.” Panna Lal opened the door of the staff car, sat in the rare seat and signaled the driver to move. Before the driver would reprimand him, he said: “I am Panna Lal Helen Head Draftsman from Simla".

Atrocities inflicted on local populace by militants, says Rashid Khan

Hungama Hai Kiun Barpa Thori Si Jo Pi Li Hai - Manajri - Courtesy MediaOne

Doom's Day

Almost one week before 10^th February, 1962 all National papers in India carried the news that 10^th February, 1962 the whole world would come to an abrupt end. Some papers carried complete description of the doom’s day.

One more hot news about the claim of a sadhu was that on a particular date with his spiritual powers, he would walk on water of the river as he walks on the macadamized road. People gathered on the river bank to witness the miracle. One in the crowd was the then Home Minister of India. Those were the days of the print media only. The event was given full coverage by almost all the big and small national and local News papers.  The final event was described by one of the prominent News papers of the time as “The moment Sadhu stepped one of his feet on the flowing water of the river; he miserably went down like a plumb into it. Soon thereafter, finger was raised on the then Home Minister. His presence was taken as crowd gatherer.

February 1962, I along with my elder brother Girdhari Lal was posted at Verinagh. Doom’s day news panicked my father. He deputed Trilok Dass, my eldest brother to persuade us to come down to Srinagar for meeting the eventuality together under one roof. Somehow we did not oblige the messenger and preferred to face the event as and where we were.

10^th February 1962 passed on peacefully. Some claimed peaceful day was due to offering of their prayers and some attributed it to minor errors in calculation.

24^th February, both of us joined our family at Zaindar Mohalla. Vincent Tailors delivered us the three-piece suit of the same cloth and the same colour. We dressed up in the brand new three-piece suit. Same colour gave it a look of uniform. J L Pandita, the retired Police officer, the then teacher in some private school, on way to one of his tuitions, spotted us and joined us. He put on leather jacket of Girdhari Lal to look smarter.

 Snowflakes started to fall. Sheikh Bashir Ahmmad cautioned us for smarter looks and asked us to beware of ‘Adam nazar’. On way to Lal Chowk, we en route collected shawls from Sun Shine Dry Cleaner and marched on for Regal Cinema. The show had already started. We made up our mind for the second show. J L Pandita said that he was given date and time for payment of tuition money of Rs.35 by Vesh Nath Khazanchi R/O Sathu Barbar Shah, father of his tuition and suggested that we could manage collection of money and be on time for the second show. We agreed to his suggestion and took to Sathu Barbar Shah. Girdhari Lal waited on the roadside and I accompanied J L Pundita up to the main door of the Khazanchi House. J L Pandita went upstairs and soon called me through the window for help. All chaos and confusion, I went up stairs to take Pundita out of the premises. Litigant as he was, Khazanchi pounced upon us and caught hold of both of us. Girdhari Lal unaware of the situation too fell in the trap. Pundita single handed gave a good fight to many Khazanchis and their sympathizers. The message of the scuffle spread like wildfire among Khazanchi relations. Two of the brothers-in-law, Makhan Lal & Chaman Lal from Drabiyar girdled up their sleeves to support the husband of their sister. To our good luck, both were our friends. Dry cleaned Shawls were confiscated and kept in the custody of Chaman Lal. Both failed to retrieve us without any police case against us. Chaman Lal eyed and signaled that Shawls were in safe custody and returned the same to us later on.

Pundit Jia Lal a ferocious faced ASI chowki officer Maisuma Police Chowki arrived along with a few constables at 10 PM. The room was packed to its capacity. By 12 in the night, we in handcuff in chill cold and heavy snowfall were taken on foot to Masuma Police Chowki. The late Chaman Lal Saraf, our friend and son-in-law of Jia Lal and my eldest brother stood surety to get us bailed out. Despite his being son-in-law of the Chowki Officer Jia Lal, we were released on bail only after payment of a bribe of Rs.50. By 2 A M we were back to our home. In descending order we ashamed of the untoward happening took our position in the bed. Girdhari Lal lost all his cool and started abusing and cursing me. My father, after a little while intervened and asked Girdhari Lal as to why he indulged in all the mess. Girdhari Lal said that he got involved because of his brother. Father said that he (Me) got involved because of his friend. Had he deserted his friend in that situation, he would not consider him as his son.

The next day, the late Jagar Nath Bhan of Zaindar Mohalla, the then office superintendent to SSP Srinagar, suggested to ask Jia Lal to close the case or otherwise refund Rs. 50. Closure of the case was beyond his capacity. Under threat of complaint to D N Koul, the then DIG Kashmir, he refunded Rs. 42. He pleaded that he paid Rs.8 to his daughter as ‘atea guth’ that reached the household of our friend Chaman Lal Saraf’s.

Jagar Nath Bhan grabbed Rs.42, but failed to get the case of trespass under article 448 closed. With excuses he failed to refund the money either. One day he used slang language and challenged for no refund. He got a heavy slap that kept him rolling on the road. I took custody of his spectacles and told him its return would be subject to payment of Rs.42.

Two long years we responded to the call ‘Sarkar V/s J L Pandita and others. We had taken Adv. T N Dulloo by his face value. With no questioning the witnesses, he had almost placed us for sentence. We approached the late Advocate Pundit Janki Nath Bhan for his help. He accepted the case for no money in return. He said that the case had reached the stage where only pronouncement of sentence was to be made. He went to Vish Nath Khazanchi in his own car along with the government prosecutor and requested him for compromise. Luckily Vish Nath got influenced by Bhan Sahab and compounded the case.  Even for paper work, Bhan Sahab paid from his own pocket.

The catastrophe proved Sheiikh Bashir’s caution right and the real Doom’s Day to be remembered.

, 

Bued Babi

1961 on my return from Verinagh, I had lost appetite completely. Even seeing cooked rice from distance would cause me to vomit. I used to visit my matamal very often. One day my arrival was at the time of morning meal. All the family members took their position on their respective wooden chowki. My mami asked me too to sit for meal. I expressed my inability because of loss of appetite. Peace be to her soul, she told me to try her dish. My resistance proved an exercise in futility. I finished my thali of hot hakea rus hakh and tout tout (hot)butea first of all and asked for a little more. It had a soothing effect on my eyes and restored my normal appetite. It was no less than a magic in her hands. She was Mrs. Radha Rani Ambardar from Dalhasanyar and to us she was Bued Babi to differentiate her from Laket Babi. Both were very nice Mamis. Today our grandchildren know neither matamal nor any Mami.

Enjoy trip to J&K University 1964-65

Kripal Singh

KRIPAL SINGH
Characters: Kripal Singh: Student of English Department J&K University, Naseem Bagh, Srinagar, Kashmir.
Professor Kenneth S Woodroof (Oxon): Visiting Professor to the English Deptt. J&K University
Dr. Basant Ram: Student of Mathematics Department, J&K University,Srinagar. (Retired HOD Mathematics Science College, Jammu)
D V Gupta: Student Mathematics Deptt. Proctor University Hostel.Retired Principal Dewan Badri Nath School.(A big name at Jammu for coaching Mathematics)
Dr. Mahesh: Research scholar, Zoology Deptt. Retired HOD Zoology Ms. U. Sharma: Student of Hindi (First Position and then Govt. lecturer)
Qadir : Hostel cook. Long hair up to ear tips; fur cap covering a little of his head; military shirt running up to knees with loose flaps; Shorts going a little down his knees; Complexion changed to jet black for the only fuel to cook was firewood and that too fresh. Could be recognized in the daylight only.

Kirpal Singh was a unique character in the campus. He was from some village in Hoshiarpur, Punjab. He often used to introduce himself as son of Jagjit Singh Principal Higher Secondary School, Hoshiarpur. It was only from the admission record that some overzealous could discover his name. Mischievous boys around generally affected a laughter, raised their hand to give a sound strike on his stretched hand to receive a clap. Poor fellow could never assimilate their mischief to fool him.
Kripal Singh and Professor Kenneth Woodroof (Oxon) were chums. While Kripal used to talk to Woodroof in crude Punjabi, Woodroof would respond in Oxon English. Either’s language was Greek to either. The Language barrier was surmounted; know not how they understood each other in their respective native languages. The riddle is yet a mystery. May be body language was the means of communication.
Woodroof being a visiting Professor was highest paid in the University @Rs.1000/pm. He used to stay in a Houseboat at Dalgate @Rs.500/pm.
He was a chronic bachelor. Urchins around the ghat at Dalgate used to look for the arrival of Woodroof, who used to throw a few coins in the lake that the boys would dive and recover. I have personally seen Woodroof a number of times sitting on knees in the front row to enjoy bachea nagmea (dance) of Gani Trali at Nishat Bagh. He did not enjoy good relations with his HOD, Dr. M S Wantt, who himself was an eccentric character. It is said that Woodroof took up his next posting in Japan where his soul and body divorced each other.
Those days the University Canteen was housed in a small space under the staircase of the English Department.
One morning while Ms U Sharma was enjoying a cup of tea, Basant Ram stepped in. Limited space and limited chairs, Basant Ram was about to retrace his steps, when to his surprise Ms Sharma offered him a chair next to her. Both being from Jammu, native affinity had influenced Ms Sharma. She even paid four anna coin for the natural guest.
Bassant Ram mistook the friendly gesture as her romance for him. He could not control himself thereafter. He even threatened to kill Dr. Umesh to whom Sharma was likely to be married.
Last day of the month, D V Gupta after dinner deputed Qadir to each room with the monthly bill. Qadir opened the door of the Basant Ram’s room. He saw Basant Ram in his bed taking a nap after dinner. He closed the door and left for the next. In his half-sleep, Basant Ram heard the sound of the opening of the door; he raised his head to see the visitor. Seeing no body there, he slept again. Qadir on his return replayed his action. Seeing the status quo position, he closed the door again. Basant Ram again in his half-sleep heard the sound of the opening of the door. He raised his head again to find nobody there. Vanish of the horrible image of Qadir in his let loose dress and abnormal hair style caused horror to Bassant Ram.
Ghulam Mohammad Bhat my classmate in the ground floor heard screeching sobs of Basant Ram. He rushed to first floor and pulled Basant Ram who was about to jump through the window in hysteria.
Soon it was all a mess. All the boarders headed by Kirpal Singh huddled in our room(D V Gupta the proctor and I shared a common room). Basant Ram was somehow laid on the neat and clean bed of D V Gupta. Some boys massaged his sole, others cleaned his foamy sputum and some his flowing nose. Intermittently he stood ferociously and cried ‘mujay choaddho’ (leave me alone). The ferocious scene emptied the packed room. Frightened boys rushed down the stairs. They cared little for others who stumbled in the process.
It was a long awaited opportunity for Kripal Singh to show his leadership traits. He seized both the opportunity and the telephone.“Hallo”, son of Jagjit Singh, emergency. One boarder serious.
From the other end: “What VC has to do with it? You phone the hospital emergency. I shall also ring them.”
“Hallo, son of Jagjit Singh. One boarder serious. Come soon.”
“Where?” from the other end.
In response: “Hostel.”
“Which hostel?” said the emergency doctor from the Hospital.
In response: “University Hostel.”
“Where is it located? Give me the location.” said the doctor.
In the meantime all the boarders huddled around the telephone to enjoy Kripal Singh. They controlled their laughter and managed with a quiet smile only.
Kripal Singh said: “You reach Dargah gate; (simultaneously drawing site plan in the air) go this side then this side and then that side….you will reach the hostel.
Boys around could no more resist. They screeched with laughter.
Kripal with live telephone tugged to his ear lost control on him and shouted at boys: “You bloody fools can’t you be quiet for a little while.”
Doctor on the other end became nervous. He took the reprimand for him and said: “Kindly let us know nature of the problem so that we shall send specialist of the same.”
“I know nothing about the problem. He shouts ‘Mujay choad dho’ (Leave me alone). And that is the problem.” said Kripal in response.
Soon the other end became dead and a little later; an ambulance came to a screeching halt at the hostel gate.
By this time Basant Ram was perfectly all right. The medical staff and the doctor alighted from the ambulance. The doctor was nervous. In view of Kripal’s behaviour on phone he was shaky and expected worse situation.
Fumbling with his stethoscope, the doctor stammered: “Who is the patient?”
We were all quiet and pointed towards Basant Ram. The doctor heaved a sigh of relief and said: “He is normal. We were expecting a serious and a dying patient. (Seeing no sardar around)Who among you is son of Jagjit Singh?”
Without any response, we bundled Basant Ram into the ambulance and a few of us accompanied him. Basant Ram was admitted. Others returned to the hostel on foot at dead of the night. I went to my home at Zaindar Mohalla and climbed the wall to enter into my home through the kitchen window at first floor stealthily to give a surprise to my other family members the next morning. I volunteered to serve as an attendant to Basant Ram. Next day Professor Jan Mohammad paid a visit to the patient. Professor’s visit gave VIP treatment to Basant Ram. The third day, after University hours, our HOD Professor M R Puri’s and classmates’ visit aborted when Basant Ram waving my Tiffin box arrived in white duck pant hale and healthy.
Other batch mates of the session from the English Department were:
Piaray Lal Waguzari (Retired English lecturer)
Professor Divendar Koul (Retired Principal Vishwa Bharti College, Srinagar)
Dr. Tej Nath Dhar (Ex. HOD English Deptt. Kashmir University; Visiting
Professor Eritrea University East Africa)
Professor Amin (English Deptt. Kashmir University Retd.)
The late Badri Shahbadi Advocate
Akhtar Hussain Jan from Babapora (Left for Pakistan. He was interested more in Precious stones)
AND
R L Kampasi.
Grateful to R L Kampasi for reminding me the name of Akhtar Hussain Jan.
The late Lassa Koul (Director Radio Kashmir, assassinated by militants in February 1990)
The late Mrs. Sarla Wattal
Mrs. Veena Koul and many others.
God willing ‘phir milany ghay’